Letting go

When I was a girl my mother would often send me and my siblings to stay with our grandmother in Mississippi for a large part of the summer. We didn't always enjoy going, because my grandmother was a very strict woman, but we always had a great time playing with all of our cousins. As an adult I look back on those times and laugh over all the trouble we used to get into, and I am very thankful that my mother gave us plenty of opportunities to spend time with and learn about our extended family. I knew that when I had children I would want them to have similar opportunities away from Bryan with their extended family.

The first time I sent Remy away he was 13 months and I was working on weaning him from nursing. It was a last minute decision to let him go to Long Island with my husband's parents, but something that I knew I was going to do sooner or later. He was away for four days, and though I was sad the first night, I knew without a doubt that he would be well cared for. That was the first trip that started years of Remy spending long periods of time away from Bryan and I.

People ask me all the time how I manage without him for so long, and I always say it's nice to have that alone time. I miss him every time he is away, but my husband has a very large family and they adore our children. For the most part they all live in the NYC area, which is a good 5-6 hours away from us, so even though we make that trip 3 or more times a year, it's usually never for more than a weekend. So, since family is so important to me, I also want it to be important to my children. And for them to be able to spend an extended period of time with my husband's family is a blessing for Bryan and I. For the most part we are always with our kids, we have no family in the area, and we don't use sitters unless we have no other choice (which is usually a friend who is able to help us out in a bind), so for us it comes as a much needed break. It also gives us a chance to spend one on one time with a particular child, since we have not yet sent both children at the same time.

Now that I am in the last trimester of my pregnancy, I knew that I would need help to make it to the end. With Remy in pre-k and me needing to take him to and from school everyday, it was becoming more and more difficult taking care of my 20 month old. So, I asked my mother-in-law if she would be willing to keep Jackie for me until the twins were born... 10 weeks. Of course she said yes, and even though I cried more saying bye to Jackie than I did to Remy when he was even younger the first time he went away, I am extremely grateful that my in-laws didn't mind. I am able to spend more time resting, I don't have to pick anyone up, and I can begin to organize before the babies come. I have talked to my in-laws almost everyday since she's been gone (it's been less than a week) and I'm always so happy to know that Jackie is enjoying herself and everyone is so happy to have her around. I am also surprised that she has not been the cry baby that she normally is when we all visit.
Honestly the hardest part about sending them away is getting them back. They get whatever they want at Grandma and Grandpa's house and I've given up telling them what to do and not do. As long as my kid comes home alive and well, I can't really complain. Unless they ask me about something, I generally let them do what they want, because I figure that's what grandparents are going to do anyway. And believe me when I say that there have been plenty of times where Remy has come home so very rotten.

I've asked Remy if he misses Jackie and he hasn't given a true answer, but if I had to guess, I would say that he is enjoying time away from her. We are trying to make it fun for him while she is gone, especially since he wanted to go too. I was going to keep him home this summer to do day camps, but now I think that I will let him go for part of the summer that way I will be able to spend time with the younger three.

I know that I've talked a lot about my children spending time with my husband's family vs. my own. The reason behind this is because my mother works full-time and doesn't yet have the time needed for small children, but believe me when they are old enough they will be going to Granny's house for part of the summer as well. Plus, we will soon have 4 children and I am not opposed to dividing them up.