Letting go

When I was a girl my mother would often send me and my siblings to stay with our grandmother in Mississippi for a large part of the summer. We didn't always enjoy going, because my grandmother was a very strict woman, but we always had a great time playing with all of our cousins. As an adult I look back on those times and laugh over all the trouble we used to get into, and I am very thankful that my mother gave us plenty of opportunities to spend time with and learn about our extended family. I knew that when I had children I would want them to have similar opportunities away from Bryan with their extended family.

The first time I sent Remy away he was 13 months and I was working on weaning him from nursing. It was a last minute decision to let him go to Long Island with my husband's parents, but something that I knew I was going to do sooner or later. He was away for four days, and though I was sad the first night, I knew without a doubt that he would be well cared for. That was the first trip that started years of Remy spending long periods of time away from Bryan and I.

People ask me all the time how I manage without him for so long, and I always say it's nice to have that alone time. I miss him every time he is away, but my husband has a very large family and they adore our children. For the most part they all live in the NYC area, which is a good 5-6 hours away from us, so even though we make that trip 3 or more times a year, it's usually never for more than a weekend. So, since family is so important to me, I also want it to be important to my children. And for them to be able to spend an extended period of time with my husband's family is a blessing for Bryan and I. For the most part we are always with our kids, we have no family in the area, and we don't use sitters unless we have no other choice (which is usually a friend who is able to help us out in a bind), so for us it comes as a much needed break. It also gives us a chance to spend one on one time with a particular child, since we have not yet sent both children at the same time.

Now that I am in the last trimester of my pregnancy, I knew that I would need help to make it to the end. With Remy in pre-k and me needing to take him to and from school everyday, it was becoming more and more difficult taking care of my 20 month old. So, I asked my mother-in-law if she would be willing to keep Jackie for me until the twins were born... 10 weeks. Of course she said yes, and even though I cried more saying bye to Jackie than I did to Remy when he was even younger the first time he went away, I am extremely grateful that my in-laws didn't mind. I am able to spend more time resting, I don't have to pick anyone up, and I can begin to organize before the babies come. I have talked to my in-laws almost everyday since she's been gone (it's been less than a week) and I'm always so happy to know that Jackie is enjoying herself and everyone is so happy to have her around. I am also surprised that she has not been the cry baby that she normally is when we all visit.
Honestly the hardest part about sending them away is getting them back. They get whatever they want at Grandma and Grandpa's house and I've given up telling them what to do and not do. As long as my kid comes home alive and well, I can't really complain. Unless they ask me about something, I generally let them do what they want, because I figure that's what grandparents are going to do anyway. And believe me when I say that there have been plenty of times where Remy has come home so very rotten.

I've asked Remy if he misses Jackie and he hasn't given a true answer, but if I had to guess, I would say that he is enjoying time away from her. We are trying to make it fun for him while she is gone, especially since he wanted to go too. I was going to keep him home this summer to do day camps, but now I think that I will let him go for part of the summer that way I will be able to spend time with the younger three.

I know that I've talked a lot about my children spending time with my husband's family vs. my own. The reason behind this is because my mother works full-time and doesn't yet have the time needed for small children, but believe me when they are old enough they will be going to Granny's house for part of the summer as well. Plus, we will soon have 4 children and I am not opposed to dividing them up.

Unobserved watching

Right now Remy is playing "boxing" with a helium-filled balloon. He thinks no one is watching him... little does he know...

There are many things that I love about being a parent and it's hard to say which is number one on that list. But I can say that watching my children is high on that list. I'm not talking about the type of watching were you know that they are there and what they are doing, but the kind where you take in every detail of the moment. I observe the way their bodies move, facial expressions, how they figure out a task, what words they use, how they interact with other living things around them (i.e. my husband, siblings and pets), I take in everything really. I've been a mother for 5 years now and I am always amazed with the things they come up with.

When Remy was about 2 1/2 years-old we bought him one of those big metal Tonka dump trucks. One day I just happened to be a silent observer as he played. I don't know where he got the idea, but I saw him attempting to stand up in the back of the dump truck. I didn't immediately intervene, because I wanted to be sure he was doing what I thought he was doing. When I saw him try to put one foot on the ground, I knew my assumptions were correct and I stopped him. When I asked what he was doing he said "skateboarding." 

That wasn't the first time that Remy had attempted something potentially dangerous and I'm positive it won't be the last. When the situation isn't going to result in serious injuries I keep my distance and let him take those falls, because how else will he learn not to do something. I know now how my mother must have felt when we climbed trees too high or figured out how to get onto our two story roof.

When Remy was my only child I would spend hours playing with him, showing him how something worked and watching to see could he repeat it. Sometimes he got the hang of it really quick, while other times it would take weeks. Now with Jackie it has been completely different, not that I don't play with her or try to teach her things, but it's very obvious that she has learned the most from Remy. Where some things may have taken him longer to learn, Jackie has picked up quite quickly. For example on Sunday mornings I let my husband sleep in, but I usually always allow the kids to wake him up. Remy starts it by jumping on the bed and soon after Jackie joins in. For some reason my kids love to jump on everything, but it was Remy that showed Jackie how to do this. He would jump on the bed while she could only sit just to get her to laugh. It's not that Remy didn't jump when he was smaller, but I think he was closer to 2 when he really figured it out, where Jackie had the hang of it at about 12 months.


One morning after getting both kids dressed, Remy decided he wanted to play in his room until it was time to leave for school. I said ok and asked if it was ok if Jackie stayed to play with him. He said yes and began playing with his cars on his city rug. I stood in the doorway for a few minutes just watching the two of them interacting together. Remy was stretched out on his stomach and Jackie like-wise. He was busy "parking" his cars in the designated areas and Jackie was content with just watching. Later that day I went into Remy's room to put something away while he was at school, and of course Jackie followed behind. She played with a couple of his cars but before we left his room she made sure that the cars were exactly how Remy left them.


I can remember being a girl and wanting to play with my older brother's G.I. Joes. He kept them in a metal army green tackle box at the top of his closet. Sometimes he would let me and my little brother play with them, but more often than not we would have to sneak them out when he wasn't home. Now that I'm a parent I get to see these same scenarios play out through my children and it always makes me chuckle. To think that I thought my mom didn't know what went on...

I know that everyone thinks their child is the best, and honestly what parent wouldn't when they are such a big part of who you and your partner are. From the time I held my child in my arms I began to dissect them; my husband's nose, my lips and on down the list. But what becomes the most fun to see emerge are their personalities and mannerisms. Will they be easy going like Bryan or impatient like me? Will they forget to close their mouth when breathing or constantly fidget like Bryan? These are some of the things I look for sometimes, and for the most part they are a great combination of the two of us with their own individual spin on it.

Now that Remy has gotten older it has become harder to watch without being seen. When he catches me he usually just smiles and asks, "What?" Which I usually respond with, "Oh nothing, I just love you." For me there is nothing better than seeing the love my husband and I have for each other reflected in my children's eyes.

Finding ways to save a buck...

I don't know if any of you saw the new show that TLC has, "Extreme Couponing," but it was crazy the amount of money those ladies were saving. With my family growing from 4 to 6 and me still only working part-time, I know that I need to find ways to save money, and couponing has become my new hobby. I'm not very good at it yet and I don't think that I will ever go crazy over it, but surprisingly it is enjoyable.

This past Sunday I bought one newspaper and couldn't wait to get home and begin cutting coupons and adding to the ones that I had already collected. Monday couldn't come fast enough. The thing that makes it more interesting is figuring out where I'll use my coupons. In case you haven't realized  it, each store has weekly sales, and the best way to use a coupon is when that item is already being marked down at the store. For example, I went to CVS for a few on sale items, one of the sales item was children's toothpaste- buy one get one free- and the Sunday paper had a coupon for buy two colgate toothpastes and save a $1.00 which I was able to use. Anyway, there are all kinds of neat little tricks and I'm still very new at all of this, but I was so excited about having spent $43 and saved $40 dollars. Then I went to Toys-R-Us because they were having a sale on Earth's Best Organic baby food 20 jars for $10, though I didn't have a coupon, I just couldn't pass that up. I had to check the expiration date to make sure that they wouldn't expire before the babies were old enough, which meant not getting fruits, but I'm happy with 20 jars of veggies. Next time I see something like that I will have a coupon to go along with it.

I'm also learning to buy things when they are on sale and out of season, like clothes and toys. That way when winter and Christmas roll around I've already got clothes and toys for the kids. My mother used to do this all the time when we were little, my only problem is guessing the kids' sizes accurately.

None of this is new for "professional" mothers, but it is all very new to me. Not that I've never liked a good sale, but when it was only Remy it almost didn't matter to me what I paid for something. When Jackie came along I became a little more aware, but with 2 more on the way there is no way that I can not be extremely conscience of what I spend.

Other ideas or future plans to save $$:
- thinking about using cloth diapers, at least while I'm home during the day. I'm still a little fearful of all the work this one might be on me.
- making my own baby food. I did this a little with Jackie, but will be more on top of my game with the twins
- I will most definitely grow another garden, but it will have to wait until the spring of 2012, since I can't do all the work this far into my pregnancy.

If anyone has any other ideas, comments, or tips please feel free to share.

Gee, where does the time go?

I haven't been able to blog as much as I would have liked these past few days because my computer is either acting up, Remy's on it, or I'm just simply too tired. I'm now 27 weeks pregnant and faithfully counting down the days until the babies arrive. Of course, this isn't too difficult because Remy asks almost everyday, "how many more days is it gonna take for the babies to get here?" When I tell him he usually sighs and says something like, "that's gonna take forever." That's exactly how I feel sometimes. I haven't been able to decide which would be better; to have a short gestational time period (like a cat) and have a litter, or to have a longer pregnancy and carry only one (in most cases anyway)?

So, April is finally here and it's beginning to sink in that I won't be able to keep going at the same rate that I've been doing for much longer. I've dropped a day off my work schedule, so now I'm back to 20 hrs a week with Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday as my days off. I've asked my in-laws if they will be able to take Jackie back with them after their visit later this month, just until the babies are born in June or July. I know that I will miss her, but it will be nice not having to pick her up all the time. There is a nice woman I met at Remy's school who brings him home for me almost everyday. I'm trying to plan ahead as much as possible, because I need to feel like I have control over something. However, I've made little progress on cleaning out the babies room, but I keep telling myself I have plenty of time. Plus I can't decide if I want to paint over the red or just throw up a cute boarder and repaint the trim. I'll probably wait until my mother-in-law gets here to help me with all of that. Either way I have the ideas in my head and I think I have until at least the end of May to put everything together.... Right? Right.