Turning a new page in parenting...

I was about 5 years old when I made my first best friend. Her name was Amie and she lived right next door to me. We did everything together from playing with dolls to climbing trees. She moved away when I was maybe 7 and then we moved a year or so after her. Needless to say, we did not stay in touch, but she has a special place in my childhood memories.

Last week the little boys who live next door came and asked if Remy could play outside with them. We have lived in our house for 5 years now, and though I am not an unfriendly person, I am also not the most neighborly. I've talked to my surrounding neighbors a handful of times, so I can't really say that I know much about any of them, aside from the fact that almost all of them have children. Anyway, so when the two little boys came over and asked if Remy could play I didn't really know what to say. I have never let Remy play outside unsupervised before. When Remy overheard the invitation he was so happy, that I just couldn't tell him no. However, I did explain the rules:

• He was not to go in their house
• He was not to cross the street for any reason
• Play nicely
• and if his asthma acted up at all he was to come home for a treatment

He said ok and out the door he ran (of course Bella tagged along to the edge of the fence) and I did my looking out the window and listening to them play. Bryan came home shortly after Remy went out and I told him that Rem was playing next door. Since I had to leave for work Bry asked what should he do and I said I didn't really know, that this was all new for me too, but that he should just keep an eye out and an ear open. Remy has only been five since January and he's my oldest so everything new that he does is a first for me too.

Ever since that first day he has asked to go next door to play or they have all end up playing at our house. There has been a little bit of a break because the weather has been so bad, but now that that sun has made an appearance they are all outside again. Though it is very new for me to let him play out of my sites (other than at school), I know that the older he gets the more he will want to do things away from us and as a parent I have to be willing to adapt to these new changes.

Mamas' boys and daddys' girls

For most of my life my mother has been a single parent raising four children, two boys and two girls, on her own. Though she will never admit to having a favorite child (I don't know many parents who would ever admit to something like that) she did expect different things from my sister and I then she did from my brothers. Whenever we would bring this to her attention she would always say something along the lines of, you are all individuals and have different needs. Now, that I am a parent of 2 (soon to be four), I understand that comment a little better, however, I've also said that I would not treat my girl different from my boys just because she is a girl. Since, we did not grow up with a father in the home, I would have to say that each of us have a very special connection with our mother. Even though we are all adults living miles away from home, I would have to say that we all still depend on her in our own ways. With that being said, I am not at all a daddy's girl and though my brothers will never admit to being mama's boys... I would have to say (very quietly) that they are.

Now, that I am a parent of both a boy and a girl, and my children are very lucky to have a great father who is very involved in their upbringing, I have noticed different bonds being formed. My husband often accuses me of babying Remy, and I accuse him of doing the same to Jackie. For the most part the rules are the same for both children, but since there is an age difference there are some things that Jackie is not allowed to do and likewise for Remy. What I have noticed is that the stereotype exists within my own home. Let me list some examples:

• Remy bats his eyes at me when he wants something and does a long drawn out pl-eeeea-ssssse. It melts my heart and I usually give in.
• When Bryan comes home from work Jackie immediately starts to whine to be picked up, and of course it works.
• I can't stand to hear Remy cry so I often jump in to figure out the problem and try to calm him down.
• If I do something that makes Jackie cry, she always runs to Bryan for comfort or to get what I told her she couldn't have.

 I find these things funny, because it's not like we set out to treat our children in these ways, we just sort of fell into it. None of this means that we don't do special things with the other child, because we do, I think it is just that our children have figured out who is more likely to give in to what they want. With me I am weak to Remy's charm and with Bry, Jackie is his baby girl (and after we found out that the twins were both boys, he was ecstatic that she would remain the only girl.) Though some think of the terms mama's boy and daddy's girl as being somewhat negative, I don't, I think of them as a special bond between a parent and child.

My new love/hate relationship with skype

My baby, Jackie, has been away for about 3 weeks now. It has been a very hectic 3 weeks for me with organizing, cleaning and temporary bed rest, that I am very grateful my in-laws were able to take her with them. I talk to them on a regular basis to get up dates on how she's doing, and they always assure me that she is doing fine. They post pictures on facebook and send videos through email. All of these things are great for me, and help to reinforce that I made the right decision (for her and the little babies in my belly).

The other night we all finally got a chance to go on skype and do a video chat. This is such a great way to see friends and family that we are separated from, and I love being able to have access to such a useful site. Anyway, the session started out a little rocky because Remy who loves to see himself on camera and was blocking the screen from Bryan and I, got upset when we asked him to sit back, then ran to his room crying
(we can be such mean parents.) On the other end was Jackie who didn't really care much about seeing us on the screen, but wanted to do her own thing. She was so happy playing with sunglasses, jumping on the bed, playing with the dog, and getting her way in in everything that she didn't pay any attention to the video chat. Here's the thing, yes it's good to know that she is happy at Grandma's and Grandpa's, but seeing it right before my eyes, stung a little. I ask myself all the time if she will remember me, or does she miss me? To me she is still so little and so impressionable, and 10 weeks total is a very long time to be away, that I start wondering if I made the right decision. I'll say to myself, how good of a mother am I if I can't even take care of my own child?

It's one thing for her to not talk to me on the phone, she is only 20 mo., but it feels completely different when she doesn't want to interact with me on video. Now, I hate skype because I was able to see how well Jackie was doing and her disinterest in seeing us on video further confirmed her adjustment to being away from home. I have 8 weeks left in this pregnancy, and the likely-hood of me going the full 8 weeks is not that high, so you better believe I am counting down. I'm ready for this pregnancy to be over, but more than anything I'm ready for Jackie to come home.

Bed rest...

This past winter my sister's dog got hit by a car and ran over 2 miles on a mangled rear leg through snowy, wooded trails and neighborhoods. She ended up needing a cast and the vet advised us to keep her from running on the leg.

Well, let me just say my sister's dog, Juno, is like no other dog I've ever met. She's a 2 year-old pit/rott/lab mix and extremely good at escaping from crates, fences, and probably chains. If she doesn't get out she can cause massive amounts of damage trying. Anyway, within 1-2 days after having her leg in a cast Juno was already trying to chase squirrels and run down the steps. My sister eventually gave up on trying to keep her calm and after 12 weeks Juno's leg had mended nicely.

The point of this story is that like Juno, I hate being on bed rest. When I woke up Friday morning I was having fairly strong cramping and I waited until about 10:30am before I called the doctor to see if I needed to go in. The nurse called me right back and I went in an hour later. After being checked over and having my contractions monitored at the dr. office, I was sent over to the hospital for further testing. I received 1and 1/2 bags of IV fluids, while having my contractions monitored along with both babies' heartbeats. Though it was not fun spending over 4 hours in the hospital, my nurse was very nice and understanding. I was given terbutaline to calm my uterus and betamethasone, which is a steroid used to help develop the lungs of premature babies. After all of this the doctors though it would be best if I went on temporary bed rest until they could run further test to make sure the twins stayed put for as long as possible.

Of course, I cried after hearing this news. I have 9 weeks left and a lot to get done, not to mention I still need to make sure that Remy is taken care of, which means taking him to and from school, cooking when Bryan is not here, and a lot of other things that requires me to be up and about. Anyway, after three days of taking it very easy and staying in bed most of the time, the contractions have dwindled to about 3-5 a day. I also went out and bought a belly support band in hope that it will help decrease the amount of pressure on my pelvis. Hopefully I can get an early appointment on Monday and be cleared with good news and can return to work on Tuesday. Not that it wasn't good for me to take it easy, it's just another reason why I don't like to make a big fuss about things. Though I'm not a 2 year-old dog, I can completely relate to what it must have been like for Juno not being allowed/able to get around like normal.

My stats from my 30 week appointment: 164 lbs- babies estimated at 3.5 and 3.3 lbs, uterus measuring at 40cm (which is a full-term measurement for a singleton), the inner part of my cervix was thankfully still closed, but the outer part has dilated 1cm